The Great Mysteries of Life
by Curtis Wildcat
Summary: When you're up late at night, your mind tends to wander. This is true with Washu, who is contemplating a mystery that boggles even herself.
1. The Great Mysteries of Life

The Great Mysteries of Life  
  
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Written by: Curtis Wildcat  
  
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Reason for doing this: It was late, and I was tired  
  
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Response to flamers: "The average IQ in a room goes down when you walk through the door."  
  
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It was well along the evening in the outside world: at least 11:59pm, by her estimation. She had locked herself in her lab for the past 20 hours, skipping sleep and meals in order to try to figure out exactly what was going on.  
  
To Washu, it was simply confounding. Here she was, the greatest scientific mind in the universe, having a staggering amount of experience in the field under her belt; and yet this mysterious force was completely puzzling her! It was simply unbelievable!  
  
"And here I thought my laptop would be safe from these attacks," Washu muttered to herself, continuing to tap away at the keys. "It's a complete mystery to me..."  
  
The plastic crabs dangling over the door announced his presence as soon as he stepped through. Normally, he'd be asleep and unconcerned with the scientist's doings. However, considering how Washu had secluded herself as of late, Lord Katsuhito had decided to find out what was going on. "Miss Washu, if I may...?"  
  
"By all means, Yosho," Washu replied, never taking her eyes off the computer screen. She grabbed a nearby cup of water, sipping it quietly before setting it back on the table next to her. "Something going on outside that I need to know about?"  
  
"Not much at all," Katsuhito answered, closing the door behind him. "Outside of a fight between Ryoko and Ayeka that nearly destroyed the house, it's been more or less quiet."  
  
"It's amazing how you can say such a thing with utter calmness," Washu said, smiling. Her eyes glanced back at him, then refocused on the computer screen. "So, why're you here? Never known you as one to make social visits."  
  
"Actually, Sasami and Mihoshi have been wondering why you've been in here all day," stated Katsuhito. "Thought I'd find out for myself."  
  
"What I've been doing isn't important, Kats," Washu murmured. Her tone brightened a little. "Can I call you Kats? That name's rather cute."  
  
"Only if you can tell me what in the world is going on here," said the disguised Juraian, stepping forward a few paces.  
  
Washu sighed; by Katsuhito's no-nonsense tone of voice, it seemed that even she'd be hard-pressed to keep him from the truth. She beckoned him forward. "Here. I need you to take a close look at this computer. I've found something that has even ME stumped, and that's saying something."  
  
Katushito stepped forward and looked over Washu's shoulder at the screen. His eyes widened a bit. "That? THAT'S what's troubling you?"  
  
Washu slowly nodded, almost ashamed to say it. "Yes. Every time I try to get something done, I keep getting these pop-up ads wanting me to buy something I don't want! I just can't figure out how to get rid of them, and they've frozen up the system TWICE!"  
  
It was then that Washu got to witness a rare phenomenon: Katsuhito committing a facefault.  
  
Washu returned to her computer, grumbling as Tenchi's grandfather recovered and left the lab. "Can't believe I missed dinner trying to fiddle around with this. Why'd I have to install a `Windows' system on this---NO, I do NOT want to get a free bar of soap by subscribing to a fishing magazine!" She shouted angrily, then leaped off her cushion and kicked it out the way, out of frustration. "WHY do they have to make these things so blasted hard to deal with?!"  
  
A new window appeared on the screen, startling her. This one, though, wasn't an advertisement; it was a message. What was even scarier, though, was what the message said:  
  
"There are some things that are better off left as mysteries.  
  
" ----Bill Gates"  
  
Washu blinked, convinced that exhaustion was the cause of this. "Okay, this is TOO freaky," she said as she backed away from the laptop. "I'm going to bed before anything else happens."  
  
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Note from Curtis Wildcat:  
  
I am tired, and I want to go to bed. I did this because I was bored. I'll update my other stories as soon as I recover from writer's block, okay? Some of you will laugh at this, and others won't. Now go away, and please leave me alone. *yawn* Good night... 


	2. Prologue to Irritation

The Great Mysteries of Life  
  
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Prologue to Irritation  
  
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Written by: Curtis Wildcat  
  
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I had intended for this fic to be a quickie, but I guess it just can't stay that way. This prologue will deal with Washu's reason for using a "Windows" OS, and the epilogue will deal with how she finally manages to get past the so-called "mystery".  
  
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The gigantic laboratory was darker than a black bear raiding an unlit forest campground at midnight. Washu had been gone for the past hour; after lunch, she had agreed to watch a movie with the others and make sure none of them got out of hand.  
  
Almost everything was shut down. Apparently, Washu had been wanting to prevent any rogue viruses from rampaging throughout the systems. If it weren't for one minor detail, it would've been a success---Mihoshi had passed this way an hour ago.  
  
After somehow avoiding the half-dozen alarm systems coded to the Policewoman's genetic code (and a few non-electronic traps, such as a trip-wire and a well-concealed trebuchet), Mihoshi had called for Washu to join the others at lunch. Not wanting to leave her latest experiment, the diminutive scientist had given in to hunger cravings and shut everything down. As they left, Mihoshi had brushed up against a control switch on one of the machines and had unknowingly switched it back on.  
  
Hence the `almost' in "almost everything".  
  
A virus snaked its way into the machine via a subspace Internet connection, promptly making itself at home. First, it knocked some files out of the way so it could sit down. After sitting still for a moment, it took out a baseball bat and started swinging for the fences, much to the chagrin of the file cabinets that were stacked around the house. By the time that the virus decided to rest, the floors were a mess and the walls were decorated with tie-dye.  
  
Translation: the network got messed up, and the background colors slowly became warped.  
  
--  
  
Washu calmly walked back into her lab, switching on the lights and heading straight towards her favorite floating cushion. "Fine way to kill two hours," she murmured. "I still think that they should've found a different way to cart that piano up those steps, though." * Sitting down, she activated her subspace laptop and started typing away.  
  
Something caught her eye. "That's strange. I thought I saved those files before I left," Washu said, confused. She started to try to undelete the files in case she lost them by accident, but no-can-do.  
  
There was a brief flash of light, causing Washu to lean back and shield her eyes. "Hey! Who decorated my computer network with clown colors?!" she shouted angrily, returning her gaze to the screen. Her typing speed increased, more than likely setting a new world's record. The snarl on her face became wider.  
  
--  
  
The noise came, penetrating the barriers of subspace and disturbing all those who heard it.  
  
Quite a number of miles away, a small black cat with a crescent moon on her forehead perked up as a girl's angry scream reached her ears.  
  
--  
  
Fifteen minutes went by. A furious Washu rematerialized inside the lab, holding a small laser pistol; she had decided to zap herself into the network and destroy the virus the hard way. The mission was a success, but the virus had done the job it was created to do. 95% of the system files throughout the network were either destroyed or damaged beyond repair, meaning that she couldn't even reinstall the OS that was stored away as backup. Looks like she would have to re-create the system from scratch...  
  
As Washu exited the lab, she recalled an ad for a "Windows" operating system that she had seen on TV once. "It's not much, but I guess it'll have to do until I can get my own OS redesigned," she muttered bitterly as she prepared her wallet. "Well, Mihoshi, here's another fine mess you've gotten me into." *  
  
-----  
  
* --- References to old "Laurel & Hardy" snippets.  
  
That's the prologue. Next is the epilogue. 


	3. Epilogue to Irritation

The Great Mysteries of Life  
  
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Epilogue to Irritation  
  
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Written by: Curtis Wildcat  
  
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I had intended for this fic to be a quickie, but I guess it just can't stay that way. The prologue dealt with Washu's reason for using a "Windows" OS, and this epilogue will deal with how she finally manages to get past the so-called "mystery".  
  
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Several sheets of paper sat on an otherwise empty table, aloof and forelorn. Long lines of drivel ---at least, that's what they would look like to someone who wasn't well-educated---were strewn across the pages in a haphazard manner. Obviously, the one who had written those words was starting to become frustrated.  
  
Washu had finally had enough. Since her computer was now occupied by one of the more recent "Windows" operating systems, a wireless connection was permenantly established to planet Earth's Internet. For several days straight, she had been constantly bombarded by pop-up advertising outside of her E-mail account and spam IN her account. Once, she had even gotten a pop-up ad from a company that made software that would get rid of pop-ups. Irony works in mysterious ways, you know; this time, the irony was so mysterious that she decided that she wouldn't conduct any experiments until this disturbance was gone for good.  
  
She had tried eliminating the Internet software; that was a no-go. She had tried re-creating her own OS, but a certain company laid claim to the first few lines of code that she wrote and applied it to their own OS. She had tried to delete that part of the system, but she got a message that read: "Windows has detected a random error on your computer and will shut down for no good reason."  
  
That was rather infuriating, not to mention the last straw. It was time for Washu to bring out her secret weapons. Stepping out of the lab and into the Masaki residence for a moment, she came face-to-face with Tenchi. "Would you mind getting Ryoko and Mihoshi from wherever they are and into my lab, Lord Tenchi?" she asked, frazzled enough to skip saying "hello". "It's important."  
  
Tenchi looked a bit puzzled at the request, then nodded. "Okay. Sure, Little Washu."  
  
Ten minutes later, the two of them showed up inside Washu's lab. "What did ya call me for?" the hot-tempered Ryoko muttered. "I was going to offer `Her Worshipfulness' a facelift." *  
  
"Truth is, I need you," Washu replied. She continued on when she noted their confused expressions, bringing up a text editor on her laptop as she did so. "Mihoshi, you have full leave to fool around on this thing for a while."  
  
Mihoshi was rather enthralled at this. "Really? Okay! Thanks, Washu!" She grabbed a nearby chair, sat down, and got to work.  
  
Washu turned to Ryoko. "And YOU, Ryoko, are going to pay a few people a visit."  
  
----  
  
Through the help of some local stooges a short time before, Washu had managed to get a number of addresses. These addresses were the offices of various low-profile techies who had a hand in creating the spam and countless advertising windows. With such knowledge in Ryoko's mind, well...let's just say that they would be missing their offices when they arrived in the morning.  
  
In the half-hour that she worked on Washu's computer, Mihoshi had never done much with the text program. Through a series of mishaps that she couldn't recall later on, she had managed to bring up the system's information and *delete* an important piece of code: the code that allowed others to pre-empt attempts to create original operating systems (and she won a few cool games of Minesweeper while she was at it). How Mihoshi had done it, Washu would likely never know. What mattered was that she could now start work on a basic OS and move on from there. For the first time in nearly a week, she was happy. No pop-ups meant no interference.  
  
There was only one thing left to accomplish, and Washu took great delight in doing this herself.  
  
----  
  
A yellow sticky note materialized on the frame of a monitor thousands of miles away. Two lone words were written on that note, which was intended for one pair of eyes only:  
  
"Nyah, nyah."  
  
Mystery solved.  
  
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* -- The "Worshipfulness" part was something I burrowed from Han Solo. Sounds like something Ryoko would say, anyway.  
  
It's done and it's over with: a short foray into what happens when Washu tangles with a network full of techies. Granted, I don't really think that "Windows" is like this in reality, and I know that some online advertisements are well-intended. Thing was, since I was up late typing this story, I decided to exaggerate a bit.  
  
Speaking of insomnia, I'm going to try to get some shuteye. Whether you enjoyed this or not, I'm outta here. *yawns; falls out of his chair*  
  
-- 


End file.
